Just a funny quote confirming that young children really don't have a filter on their mouths when they speak in the moment. While at the pond yesterday with the boys sporting my bandana, another little boy a little older than Jeffrey asked his mom, "Is that lady a pirate?" Too cute. I should have played along. I think his mom was embarrassed but honestly I didn't care. It's better than the "Thank God it's not me look" I get from many adults when I am out in public (especially when the boys are in tow). I'd rather talk about it than pretend no one notices. It's like that saying (I can't remember exactly how it goes) about not mentioning the elephant standing in the room. It's there but no one wants to acknowledge it for fear it wold make others uncomfortable.
Come to think of it, I am surprised that I haven't heard other little kids ask questions like that before.
Friday, June 29, 2007
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Extra Beats and New Tattoos
I met with my cardiologist last week then spoke with her on the phone yesterday about the heart fluttering I have been having lately. The Holter Monitor did show that I have about 300 extra beats (that particular day) mostly coming from the upper part of my heart. Nothing worrisome but nonetheless. They do not really bother me and I do not have any other symptoms that go along with them so we decided not to start any medication at this point. If they do get worse or more frequent we will discuss starting a Beta Blocker. There is nothing structurally wrong with my heart. I will have another echocardiogram at some point in the upcoming months anyway because of the Adriamycin that was part of my chemo. That drug has shown to cause heart damage in a very small percentage of patients.
Today I went to Mass General for my radiation mapping. They have a really nice facility and the population there is more mixed with young and old unlike where I received my chemo (just given the location of being outside of Boston) it was an older crowd. After getting an initial scan, I got 3 new tattoos...they are about the size of a poppy seed and will mark the field where the radiation will take place. Some people from what I have read are very bothered by getting permanently marked this way. They say it's a constant reminder of the disease. Not me. My scar isn't going away and is much larger than these minuscule dots and I feel that this disease is a part now of who I am - good, bad, or indifferent.
I go on July 6th for a simulation run which basically is just like the radiation treatment without the machine turned on. The actual radiation will start on July 9th.
Jeff and I have signed up for the American Cancer Society's Making Strides Against Breast Cancer Walk. Please visit the link on the right for more information or to see how you can sponsor Team Meisner! :)
Today I went to Mass General for my radiation mapping. They have a really nice facility and the population there is more mixed with young and old unlike where I received my chemo (just given the location of being outside of Boston) it was an older crowd. After getting an initial scan, I got 3 new tattoos...they are about the size of a poppy seed and will mark the field where the radiation will take place. Some people from what I have read are very bothered by getting permanently marked this way. They say it's a constant reminder of the disease. Not me. My scar isn't going away and is much larger than these minuscule dots and I feel that this disease is a part now of who I am - good, bad, or indifferent.
I go on July 6th for a simulation run which basically is just like the radiation treatment without the machine turned on. The actual radiation will start on July 9th.
Jeff and I have signed up for the American Cancer Society's Making Strides Against Breast Cancer Walk. Please visit the link on the right for more information or to see how you can sponsor Team Meisner! :)
Friday, June 15, 2007
I'm no Chia Pet but...
I do have some definite peach fuzz growth on my head! It is so blond that you can only see it close up and in the light. But hey, I'll take it. Hopefully my eyelashes will take notice and start to fill-in again soon.
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
Check Chemo Off of the List!
I am now officially done with the chemo portion of my treatment plan! Applause please! (kidding) My hair should start to grow back in about 2 months. At least I will have built-in AC for the summer, no shaving, no frizzy hair to deal with in the lovely New England humidity either! All bonuses and perks of a job well done...
Back in January, my surgeon made a comparison of my treatment plan to the high school experience. He said that the surgery was like freshman year. Getting used to a new "school" (he meant the world of cancer), pretty easy, goes by quick, etc. Agreed. Chemo was sophomore year. Usually a pretty hard year all around - tough schedule, not the new kid anymore, a growing up year. Yup. Junior year is radiation. Not so bad anymore. Just getting through it until senior year begins, thinking about the future. Senior year is the fun and easier year. Yes, this is the time where reconstruction will take place. I'll spend this senior year getting ready for the road that comes after "high school" (and cancer treatment).
That road that I will find myself on is a little scary for me right now. I have mixed feelings about being through with chemo. Yes, I am thrilled not to have to go and get so much bloodwork, IVs, and medicine that can wear you down. I am not thrilled with the idea that there will be no more medicine flowing through my body targeting any stray cancer cells that might be there. That's the problem with this disease. It's microscopic. No one can tell me for sure that there isn't one rebel cell out there hiding in an ally waiting for it's opportunity. There most likely isn't any bad guys lurking around but the possibility does exist and scares me to think. I have a lot of things in my favor like being Stage 1, no lymph node involvement, the small tumor size, etc. But the bottom line is that there are no guarantees.
Radiation will tackle any cells that the surgery and chemo may have left behind in my right breast. So I will still be actively doing something to treat this disease. That makes me feel good. I also think I have all (or most) of my babysitting figured out for the 5 day a week treatment that begins July 9th and goes until August 17th. (If there is anyone out there that can be "on call," please let me know!!) Big stress of that task is now gone (for now).
After this treatment course, I will begin looking for a survivorship support group or some equivalent so I can see how other people in my situation are handling the uncertainties of the future without letting it consume their lives. Right now, cancer is the first thing I think of when I wake up in the morning and the last thing before sleep takes over - with many more thoughts running through my mind during the day. Hopefully, this will lessen and more pleasant things will take over.
My hair will grow back, the dark circles under my eyes should improve once my anemia subsides, my energy level should return to normal (maybe awhile after radiation is over - a common side effect), and my boobs will be symmetrical once again :) when all of this is over. Essentially, I will look normal. I don't think I will ever feel 100% normal again though. This whole journey has changed me in ways that is truly difficult to put into words. In some ways, I am a better person because of all of this. I appreciate what I have much more and am enjoying the everyday things life has to offer. In other ways it has made me more uncertain and afraid of the future. Hopefully these feeling will also get pushed to a place in my mind where I visit less frequently. Time will tell...
Back in January, my surgeon made a comparison of my treatment plan to the high school experience. He said that the surgery was like freshman year. Getting used to a new "school" (he meant the world of cancer), pretty easy, goes by quick, etc. Agreed. Chemo was sophomore year. Usually a pretty hard year all around - tough schedule, not the new kid anymore, a growing up year. Yup. Junior year is radiation. Not so bad anymore. Just getting through it until senior year begins, thinking about the future. Senior year is the fun and easier year. Yes, this is the time where reconstruction will take place. I'll spend this senior year getting ready for the road that comes after "high school" (and cancer treatment).
That road that I will find myself on is a little scary for me right now. I have mixed feelings about being through with chemo. Yes, I am thrilled not to have to go and get so much bloodwork, IVs, and medicine that can wear you down. I am not thrilled with the idea that there will be no more medicine flowing through my body targeting any stray cancer cells that might be there. That's the problem with this disease. It's microscopic. No one can tell me for sure that there isn't one rebel cell out there hiding in an ally waiting for it's opportunity. There most likely isn't any bad guys lurking around but the possibility does exist and scares me to think. I have a lot of things in my favor like being Stage 1, no lymph node involvement, the small tumor size, etc. But the bottom line is that there are no guarantees.
Radiation will tackle any cells that the surgery and chemo may have left behind in my right breast. So I will still be actively doing something to treat this disease. That makes me feel good. I also think I have all (or most) of my babysitting figured out for the 5 day a week treatment that begins July 9th and goes until August 17th. (If there is anyone out there that can be "on call," please let me know!!) Big stress of that task is now gone (for now).
After this treatment course, I will begin looking for a survivorship support group or some equivalent so I can see how other people in my situation are handling the uncertainties of the future without letting it consume their lives. Right now, cancer is the first thing I think of when I wake up in the morning and the last thing before sleep takes over - with many more thoughts running through my mind during the day. Hopefully, this will lessen and more pleasant things will take over.
My hair will grow back, the dark circles under my eyes should improve once my anemia subsides, my energy level should return to normal (maybe awhile after radiation is over - a common side effect), and my boobs will be symmetrical once again :) when all of this is over. Essentially, I will look normal. I don't think I will ever feel 100% normal again though. This whole journey has changed me in ways that is truly difficult to put into words. In some ways, I am a better person because of all of this. I appreciate what I have much more and am enjoying the everyday things life has to offer. In other ways it has made me more uncertain and afraid of the future. Hopefully these feeling will also get pushed to a place in my mind where I visit less frequently. Time will tell...
Just Getting it Checked
Back in 2001, I was experiencing some heart flutters that turned out to be mild SVT (supra-ventricular arrhythmia). No medication or follow-ups needed unless it got worse. I feel nothing else when it happens, just a flutter and then my heart "resets" itself to a regular beat again.
A few weeks ago I have noticed that it is happening much more often. Could be due to the physical stress my body is under from the treatments (and all of the the other stress - the kids, financial, emotional, etc.). Yesterday, my doctor ordered a Holter monitor for me to wear for 24 hours that will record every beat and rhythm. Of course no one can ever hear the flutter or see it on an EKG or echocardiogram because it never happens when I am actually at the doctor. I turn the monitor back in today and will meet with a cardiologist next Monday.
One of the first chemo drugs I was on - Adriamycin, can cause heart damage. It only happens to about 2% of all patients who take it. When I mentioned all of this last week to my nurse practitioner, she did say that if it was related to that, I would have other symptoms that would go along with it like shortness of breath, chest pain, dizziness, etc. My doctor agreed and so this is the first step to just getting it checked out.
Last chemo day! I'll write more later.
A few weeks ago I have noticed that it is happening much more often. Could be due to the physical stress my body is under from the treatments (and all of the the other stress - the kids, financial, emotional, etc.). Yesterday, my doctor ordered a Holter monitor for me to wear for 24 hours that will record every beat and rhythm. Of course no one can ever hear the flutter or see it on an EKG or echocardiogram because it never happens when I am actually at the doctor. I turn the monitor back in today and will meet with a cardiologist next Monday.
One of the first chemo drugs I was on - Adriamycin, can cause heart damage. It only happens to about 2% of all patients who take it. When I mentioned all of this last week to my nurse practitioner, she did say that if it was related to that, I would have other symptoms that would go along with it like shortness of breath, chest pain, dizziness, etc. My doctor agreed and so this is the first step to just getting it checked out.
Last chemo day! I'll write more later.
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